Gift of Presence
I was about to cross an intersection during my walk, a huge SUV was cutting across. I wasn’t sure if it was going to stop, so I slowed my pace, just in case. The cars have a yield sign there, but I have learned not to trust the drivers. It looked like the SUV was going to let me cross because it was slowing down. As I was just about to cross in front of it, it continued driving, leaving me in the middle of the intersection. I lifted my hand in anger, and I saw the driver through the tinted window. He was looking my way, but at the street behind me. He didn’t even see me, though I was right in front of him!
Christmas time is no different. I see friends gather, but faces illuminated by screens. We are surrounded by people, but what we see are the chat bubbles on our phones, pictures of someone else somewhere else, or sometimes from someone inches away taking a selfie in the most flattering angle. I vividly remember, at a group restaurant outing with some familiar faces and a few new acquaintances, a friend was on the phone for the entire two hours, tuning out the conversations around, yet grumbled about having few friends.
As technology continues to evolve for better human productivity, a data science professor’s article recently called for alarm. His words sting - an 'epidemic of loneliness' among young men, seeking solace in AI companions while the warmth of real bonds evaporates. Are we trading hugs for algorithms?
While yearning for belonging, many people are looking for meaning in places where they are not seeing others and are not seen. Hiding behind social media even when surrounded by people, they miss the opportunities to connect, care and to be cared for. Corporations also rely on a high volume of activities to boost employee engagement and satisfaction, offering a plethora of workshops that employees cannot say they don’t have enough resources.
According to a 2022 Gallup report on the culture of belonging, talent retention is driven by when people’s opinions count, having high levels of trust at work, and being appreciated for their unique background and experiences.
McKinsey’s 2021 Great Attrition Survey found half of the employees who left their jobs in the previous six months didn’t feel valued at their work, and most of them cited they desired to work with people who trust and care for each other. And the solution from leaders? 52% wanted their teams to return to the office for four to five days a week to increase connectivity and collaboration.
Would this solve the problem? Physical presence alone does not foster genuine connection, if we continue to look in a direction without seeing the person, sit in back-to-back meetings without listening, or are constantly distracted by pop-ups on our screens.
A recent workshop inspired a few ideas to increase connectedness at work, or with friends and family:
Cut meeting time - replace regular status report meetings with project management tools, so everyone can see the progress of projects and tasks. Only address the urgent issues at the meetings that EVERYONE needs to be involved in, otherwise they can be addressed by offline meetings by those who are relevant.
Tell stories - set aside time and space to get to know each other. Use simple prompts to get everyone to tell their stories, such as origin, cultural background, family, and hobbies. As people get to know each other better, more authentic connections will evolve.
Inspire - reflect on other people’s strengths and articulate appreciation for the values they bring. Learn about what inspires them, and set a cadence to find opportunities and resources to inspire them.
This Christmas, let's step away from the screens and into the warmth of real connections. Let's see each other, hear each other, and revive the magic that comes from being truly present, not just physically, but with open eyes and open hearts. In doing so, we might just find that the most precious gifts of all are not wrapped in paper, but woven from the threads of shared laughter, whispered dreams, and the comforting embrace of human connection.
